Reframing

I do not love to mow the lawn. I enjoy the look of a freshly mowed space, but it is not an activity that I look forward to. Like laundry, dishes and cleaning it is a necessary chore. No one makes me mow the lawn and I could certainly choose to forgo the activity, but every time I'd look at the overgrowth, I would be frustrated. I can only put up with a dirty, cluttered floor or space for so long. Then I am ready to go to work.

I used to fight against tasks I didn't enjoy. I've used procrastination as a tactic so avoid doing what needed to be done. I've also bitched, bawled, complained and been really grumpy because I felt I "had" to                               {fill in the blank}.

In the past I often experienced feeling burdened, put-upon, angry, frustrated and resentful {Why meeeeeeee?} Of course NONE of these helped me get the job done any faster, nor did feeling sorry for myself make the process more enjoyable. I'm not one to fake anything or pretend I'm happy when I'm not. "Fake it til ya make it" doesn't work in my world. I've come to learn more about feelings, how to observe them and work with them. Now when I feel something, I notice it. I watch the emotions. I recognize "what's here." The difference in my life now is that I avoid reacting, aligning and giving in to the perception of pain and hurt. I won't say that I have mastered this, or even that it has become my default. I can say that I have consistently practiced maintaining control of my emotions and consciously choosing how I want to feel, within any given situation. Instead of diving straight into an emotion, I will first stop myself and ask, what/how do I want to feel after I've experienced the situation. I'm not preventing myself from feeling anything. I'm simply laying out a path for where I want to end up. 

I do give myself permission to feel anything and everything. There is no repression, no sweeping emotions under the rug, no ignoring anything. I create a safe space to feel what is coming in or up. I don't set a timer, or put a limit on the lower feelings. I don't fight against them. I sometimes ask for the meaning behind them and I inquire about the source, {"Where is this coming from? Who does this belong to?"} I don't necessarily expect an answer, but asking the question puts me in a space where I can receive higher insight. It also helps me start to get out of limited thinking, feeling and old beliefs. In many situations, there's something from the past that has been triggered, an old emotion, pattern or circumstance. I look for similarities and then I practice "reframing" and seeing the contrasts of then and now. This isn't always the case, but often it is. 

Although I've taken some space here to describe my inner process, it really doesn't take that much time. Emotions/feelings can feel really intense and really heavy and well, really REAL. We can choose how much time we will devote to feeling sad, mad, frustrated, angry, resentful, etc. Certainly there are many factors that lead to low feelings and heavy emotions. Our bodies and especially our brains are very complex and even though we are the ones living in them, we don't always know when things are digressing. We may be depressed and not even know it. We may have gotten used to feeling bad and we've felt that way so long, it's become normal. 

It may be helpful to remember that we are not a victim of our emotional state or even our perceptions. The key is being aware and awake and catching ourselves in the midst of the mind-chatter and inner complaining. 

Case in point: As I mentioned, I really don't like mowing the lawn. I don't detest it to the point of "hell NO, I won't mow..." but I certainly don't love it. Our schedule has been severely out of whack and Joe has been really busy with work. He normally mows on Monday or Tuesday evening. He's never asked me to mow. He just does it when it needs done. He's never made me feel guilty when I take an afternoon nap, read a book or work on any of my projects. Not one time has been angry or upset that I'm relaxing while he's working. I love and appreciate that about him. 

After a morning grocery run, I realized that today is Thursday and we haven't mowed. We have obligations tonight and tomorrow night. Hummm... and yuck. It is hot and humid, so not great conditions for mowing. I'm tired. I haven't been sleeping well. There's laundry to do too. Mowing would be last on the list if I was really being honest here. I took a good long look at the situation and decided I should just mow the damn yard. Yuck. This shouldn't be a big deal right? I mean it's not a three hour job, but still. Yuck. 

Here's where my reframing flag started going off. I felt all the old angry, put-upon, burdened feelings (I have to, I need to, I should.......) and all the old tapes started playing. The flow of the old perceptions was gaining speed. I stopped. Took a deep breath and asked, "What do I really want to do? What is the outcome that I want?"  

1. Joe hadn't had a chance to mow all week

2. If he didn't have to mow after work, he could spend time with us.

3. I didn't go on our early morning walk this morning, so sweating and steps behind the mower would be good. (I don't count steps or my weight, but I do try to be active every day). 

4. The grass is not impossibly long if I would mow today....

I can't say I LOVED the experience... but I was rewarded by finding a great abandoned bird's nest. These are my favorite wabi sabi decorating pieces! {My children were all trained from early ages to bring such treasures to me.} I also collect random feathers and display them throughout our space. Nests fascinate me. I admire the industrious nature of how birds use what is available to build a cozy, minimalist home for their babies... without the use of hands! ha! 

I did sweat profusely, so the shower felt amazing. I also know that doing something as simple as mowing the lawn, is an act of love for my husband. That's how easy it was to reframe my perception. I saw what was there, I made the choice and then took action. These are steps that I apply in my daily practice. Mind reframing is a very simple, yet profoundly rewarding action. It allowed me to be in control of my perceptions, choices and ultimately the outcome of the situation. I could have procrastinated or brooded over the fact that I was left here to "do all the work. I'm the only one here doing the work....no one else is doing anything to help.... *pout*pout*bitch*moan* you get the idea.  {That is NOT at all my reality, but I've felt like that times in the past.} Even though I know better now, those old, shitty feelings and reactions still rise to the surface from time to time. 

I didn't berate or judge myself for feeling these feelings and or having this perception. I didn't ignore my reaction, I didn't try to override low feelings or push them away. I noticed what was coming up and chose not to buy into it. I didn't dive into the past and try to figure out when/where I first started feeling this way either. I noticed the feelings, allowed them to be there and then consciously choose to shift my perception and focus on the outcomes I wanted, {doing something nice for my husband and getting some exercise}. 

There are probably a lot of fantastic methods for shifting and reframing perceptions. Certainly this can be a positive practice for daily living. For those living with depression, professional medial support is a must. Depression is a very serious condition and one that needs to be worked with, treated, monitored and absolutely not ignored. This post is to bring insight on how we can reframe our mind within daily practice. 

Our perceptions shape our reality. If we are feeling out of whack, imbalanced,  frustrated, constricted and/or angry, chances are the relief we are seek lies with how we are looking at situations, people and experiences. To make changes, we have to be willing to let go of old patterns, and stuck limited thinking. It can be a simple choice, but not an easy one. What are you ready to let go of? What if you didn't have to keep defending pain from the past? Freeing ourselves from emotional baggage takes courage and perseverance and it is one of the most liberating experiences we can give ourselves.